


Color Me In

by summerroad7



Series: Hey Lover [2]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kink Meme, Light BDSM, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Switching, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:31:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerroad7/pseuds/summerroad7
Summary: And the very moment when Alex admitted that he loved Miles back.





	1. 19 & 54

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Kink Thread on Tumblr:http://thatotherrpmeme.tumblr.com/post/93502714362/thread-starters-kink-edition  
> It's a collection of PWP...with angst and feelings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 19\. “Bet I can make you come without ever touching your cock.”
> 
> 54\. “Better be quiet or they’ll hear you.”

+

“Better be quiet.” The words were whispered while Miles added another finger, opening Alex up slowly with a little spit and loads of patience. A quiet moan left Alex’s throat when he felt Miles’ fingertips tugging at the rim, leaving him empty and longing. “You don’t want them to hear anything, do you?”

Alex replied with a broken whimper as Miles pushed two fingers back inside him. “Where’s she right now? In the kitchen maybe?” He teased darkly, rubbing the spot that made Alex’s knees weak. He couldn’t care less about his date while he had Miles in his study room, who was angry and bitter and hard against his thigh. “Do you think they’ll heard you screaming me name if I just fuck you right here?”

“Please, fuck—Miles, touch me.” Alex grabbed at his collar and pulled him closer, wanting to taste those jealous lips. Miles avoided his touch and instead dropped his forehead on Alex’s shoulder. His other hand that was buried in Alex’s hair left, moving down to pinch one of his nipples, forcing another loud groan out of Alex’s mouth. “Miles!” He cried out. Miles ignored his plea and continued to torture his other nipple. Some muffled sound of talking and footsteps went through the door and Alex could hear someone calling his name, looking for him. 

Miles smiled, lips touching the throbbing pulse on his neck. “Only me fingers.” He cooed, curling his fingers a bit to milk his prostate. “Come on Al…know you can do it for me.”

He was shaking violently when Miles bit on his neck. “I can’t…Miles, please—” Alex protested, squirming to get more of those long fingers inside of himself. He was so close. He just needed a little bit more, a single push, something—

The door was banged loudly, and it was Matt on the other side, asking if he was inside. Alex took in a surprised breath. His heart rate went three times higher and suddenly he was coming untouched with only Miles’ two fingers in his hole. Miles was quick to push three fingers down to his throat and Alex choked on them, dizzy from both panic and pleasure.

“Wow Al, this turns you on?” Miles licked his earlobe after Alex came down from his orgasm. He chuckled affectionately. “You freak.” 

Alex was too spent to argue. He took in a difficult breath when Miles withdrew his fingers from both his ass and his mouth. His face burned red as Miles gestured him to get down. Matt knocked on the door again and Alex jumped a little, staring at the locked door. 

Miles looked back at him, an unspoken challenge in those lust-filled eyes. He had tried his best to look care-free yet failed to hide the truth. Or Alex just knew him too well and he could tell Miles was breaking the promise again and making this more than just some casual sex. For a moment Alex’s chest felt too tight and the lack of oxygen made him light-headed. 

He fell to his knees, nuzzling the bulge in Miles’ jeans. Alex looked up and their eyes locked. He mouthed the challenge back: You better be quiet.

+


	2. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3\. “I want you. Right up against the window.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for @Alexandra Sorry it turned out to be a twisted sad story...not what I planned but I hope it's not so bad x

 

 

Five minutes before the train stopped at London Euston, Miles leaned over. Alex was dozing off on his seat, wrapped in Miles’ fluffy coat. Nobody paid them any attention, which was the best thing they could ask for on the last rainy afternoon of the year.

Alex was wakened by a soft kiss on the lobe of his left ear. He blinked at the gloomy sky outside the window. Inside, Miles whispered in his ear: “Your place or mine?”

“Emmmm... don’t know. Yours?” Alex pushed him away to stretch his arms. The furry coat slipped down, falling on his lap. Miles grabbed it before his coat kissed the floor, smirking at Alex’s slurred words. It’s not like they could really go straight into Alex’s flat without bumping into his girlfriend. “Stop it.” Alex added when he noticed Miles’ smile started to fade. “Come on, we still have a few hours before the party.”

The traffic was pleasing, letting them in Shoreditch within 15 mins. Miles’ hand was on his thigh the whole journey, tapping along with some Christmas music the driver was playing. Alex stared at Miles’ dancing fingers that he knew way too well. The whole scenery reminded him of the New Year’s Eve from years ago that they spent together in a penthouse apartment, drinking, talking and kissing. Miles played every single festival song he could remember on the guitar until Alex threw an empty beer can at him, asking him to drop that thing and come over here.

 _Nothing ever lasts forever._ Miles had accepted it since a long time ago.

Alex grabbed a beer from his fridge, standing on the tiles barefoot. Miles hated the taste of that particular brand, but Alex was weirdly obsessed with it. Miles suspected that Alex only drank it to kiss him afterwards, just to be an annoying piece of shit. He had to make sure that there was always this bit of bitterness in Miles’ happiest memories.

“Where do you want me?” Alex kissed the question onto Miles’ lips, fingers moving to the side as if to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ears. “Oh, I forgot.” He chuckled, realizing he had no bangs to worry now. “Things change.”

Miles pulled him closer. “You bastard.” He furrowed. At the same time Alex’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Alex startled and hurried to take it out, but Miles stopped him before he could answer. He held Alex’s wrist loosely in his fingers, and with that Alex let his phone dropped to the floor. “I want you right up against the window. Right now.” It was more of a plea than an order, but Alex obeyed anyway. His chest vibrated slightly when Miles kissed his neck, leaving nothing but a trace of desperate longing. They had played this game for years, with Miles losing all the time and Alex giving him more chips to play whenever he’s too drained to carry on.

Again, Alex’s phone interrupted them.

“Take a guess,” Miles asked darkly, forcing his knee in between Alex’s thighs. Through the window, the light coming from Alex’s own flat was visible. They could both see the dark silhouettes of people pacing up and down the hall. “Is that your new love?”

Alex groaned quietly, turning to face him. But Miles took him by surprise and pinned Alex’s head with one mocking hand, forcing Alex to look out of the window. Miles sucked at the sensitive point behind Alex’s ear until his whole neck turned pink and his bulge painfully obvious. “Pervert.” Alex murmured, squirming to rub himself against Miles’ thigh. He said it in a way that made Miles knees weak. “Wanna fuck me right here? Want them to see how you own me, Miles?”

Miles growled low in his throat. Alex glanced at him from the side of his eyes and licked his lips wet. He freed himself, pulling Miles closer until they were touching everywhere.

His hands slipped into Miles’ rear pants pockets, bringing their hips together. “I’ll pick it up next time it rings, Miles…I’d say, come to the window and wait for me there, while I take your fingers…two of them.” Alex moaned loudly as Miles cursed and cupped his ass, the back of his head hitting the glass. “Fuck, what the hell Al—”

Alex blinked slowly, his eyes burning into Miles’. “Make me take it. Let me feel it till the next year.”

It was unfair how Alex had him in his palms while Miles had him in his heart. However, when the phone buzzed again, all Miles could whisper was a willing **_“YES”._**


	3. On the Edge of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. “Pretend you don’t want it.”

On the Edge of

 

Alex remembered those moments vividly when Miles burst into laughter. It's like walking into a warm bakery on a freezing, raining afternoon and the first pouch of that sweet, delicious smell was stretched into a few seconds long. Alex found it impossible to not smile when Miles was radiating happiness. It kept Alex on the edge of jumping into the quicksand and stayed there forever. 

In other words, he probably loved Miles a bit more than he would like to admit, and not in a way that he’s very proud of. 

On Monday the rain came. Alex hated gloomy days. They clocked his head, making it hard to write down anything sensible. So instead Alex sat beside the tea table and went through the notes he had from last week when Miles was here.

 

There was tension in the air when they shared the flat. Alex knew him well enough to know that it bugged Miles to no end. But he dodged every attempt that Miles threw at him for a real conversation. In the end, Miles simply gave up and chose to stay silent on the sofa. It was one thing he’s pretty good at – enjoying his time doing nothing. Alex’s brain did not work this way. Even when he didn’t find a task for it, Alex had something in mind to chew over, and the subject never deviated from Miles too far when he’s around.

_Was it odd that he always felt that Miles was weighed down with sorrow when quieted down?_

Alex walked over to him from behind. Miles was on his phone replying to a text when Alex decided it was time for a kiss. “Al, give me a sec.” Miles murmured when Alex bit the back of his neck, carefully placing his tongue so that he tasted Miles’ scent and shiver all together.

“What’s so important?”

Miles threw his phone down on the cushion and replied sarcastically, mimicking one of Alex’s favourite answers. “Nothing in particular.” 

He’d got a temper. Alex reckoned it was something he could use right now. _A pissed Miles was incomparable in bed._

In the past few days, it wasn’t just the atmosphere that had been strained. The sex also wasn’t the best. Miles let him take the lead last night. Although Miles had been on the receiving end every now and then, whenever Miles bottomed, he seemed to lose the ability to talk dirty all at once. Alex always got off on the little noises he could coax out of Miles, and it got him totally baked off if Miles just screamed his name in a certain way. But yesterday, Alex found him even quieter and more tense than usual. When he turned Miles over and went down to swallow him, Miles’ fingers were almost gentle around his shoulder, which was almost never the case before.  

Miles cuddled up to him immediately when Alex returned to bed from the bath room, the tip of his nose moist and cold against Alex’s collarbone. “Do you fancy going out for dinner tomorrow?” Alex asked tiredly, half-asleep already. He felt a warm, soothing kiss on his jaw, dripping with adoration. 

He didn’t catch Miles’ answer before sleep caught him.

 

“Come on, Miles.” Alex whispered in a husky voice, pulling at the collar of Miles’ pyjamas. “Let’s move this to the bedroom.”

Miles gave him an incredulous frown, pulling away. “Al, It’s like 2 in the afternoon.” 

“Didn’t remember you ever complaining before.” Alex shushed him. Miles followed him into the other room anyway, cornering Alex against the wardrobe and kissed him until Alex couldn’t stand perfectly straight.

“I wanna try something new.” Before he’s too carried away to form cohesive sentences, Alex trumped up the courage to require. Miles blinked, long lashes quickly batting in both impatience and anticipation. Alex smiled tentatively before explaining. “I want you to-I’d pretend I don’t want it… I’d like you to carry on and shut me up when I ask you to stop.”

Miles’ eyes went wide with surprise. “God, Alex! What the hell did you take?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”Alex ignored the insult easily. And if the bulge in his trousers said anything, it only proved Alex’s words true. Miles stared, studying him. For a moment he looked like he was about to freak out and say no, but then Miles nodded tightly, for just once, and all of a sudden Alex was pushed backwards harshly. He almost tripped over.

There was anger in Miles’ eyes when he approached Alex, and it almost looked too real.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked, although they both knew the answer to that question perfectly. Miles didn’t answer. He pulled Alex’s locks cruelly to bend his neck backwards when Alex tried to “escape”.  

Miles’ thin lips were barely touching his earlobe. “Don’t fucking move.”

Alex became painfully hard within seconds.

He fought back, just to make the play more like the real thing. Miles had one of his wrists pinned at the small of his back when Alex yelled at him, “Get off me!” He tried to hit Miles with his free hand, though making sure to the attack was loppy enough to be useless. Miles grasped at his other hand, their fingers tangled together.

“Shut up, you little shit.” Miles roared. His kneecaps dug into Alex’s sides, body locking Alex down on the bed. Arising with the helplessness there was a wave of sick, masochistic pleasure. Alex whimpered loudly, his head pounded, mind completely shattered by the presence of Miles on top of him. It was close to what he had been feeling recently, when he would try to deny to himself that he felt anything when Miles left the door. When he would ignore the pit hole inside his own chest when Miles waved him a goodbye. When he would be overwhelmed by the desire to have Miles all to himself, to hold him, devour him, treasure him...to love him.

 ** _Love._ **Alex cried out softly. _He didn’t seem to be able to run from this word anymore._

It was then he realized Miles became almost motionless. Alex was pushed face down on the bed, therefore he couldn’t tell what went wrong. Miles squeezed his fingers so hard that they genuinely started to hurt, and suddenly Miles made a small, strangled noise as if he was in pain. All of his touches were gone in a blink. “Lennon.” Miles cracked out.

That was his ridiculous choice of _safe word_ they had agreed on years ago. But this was the first time ever Alex had heard him actually saying it. 

Alex was up on his knees before he knew it, reaching for Miles who's kneeling on the edge of the bed. His eyes were rheumy, and Alex couldn’t help but notice his erection was all gone. Alex felt stupid and strangely guilty when he was still rock hard while trying to comfort Miles (Fix things was never his speciality, even without a boner). He hated that he had to ask. “Miles, Mi…what’s wrong, babe?” 

Miles shook his head violently. He was shaking, as if torn between leaning into Alex’s touch and shying away from him. “Sorry.” Miles managed only one word before starting to cry. Alex held him, figured that he had just discovered the thing he hated the most in the world. “...hate this. I’m so ti…tired of it, fuck!” Miles sobbed brokenly, fingertips digging into Alex’s skin. He finally decided that being close to Alex was still the thing he wanted for now. Alex was sure to have bruises on his back the next day. 

His heart though, was already bruised with the vague confession. Alex subconsciously hugged him even tighter as if this would guarantee that Miles could never ever get tired of _HIM_.

It could be about anything, really. For example, the sex, which clearly was not Miles’ favourite this time. The kinky fantasies that Alex sometimes voiced. Their secret meetings in Alex’s London flat where nobody knew what was happening behind the doors-

 _This was supposed to be safe place. A release. A blast. Yet he somehow managed to screw things up and now Miles was crying. It’s the only thing that Alex could not bare –_  

Eventually, Miles calmed down, hiding his face in the crook of Alex’s neck. He felt warm. “Ah, what a scene.” He mocked himself dryly. “Told you it was too early for sex.”

“Miles.” Alex took his head into his palms and force them to look at each other, knowing it was not the right time and place to avoid confrontation no matter how much he wanted to. “What was that for?” 

Miles shrugged. “Guess the new flavor’s just not me thing.” 

“Bullshit. You had a bloody breakdown-”

Miles struggled out of his hold and climbed off the bed, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He's looking anywhere but Alex. “How come you still get to ask questions? You're always like- tell me this, Miles. Tell me that, Miles. Do this, do that- can’t I just not like what you want? For once? Goddammit!” Miles threw his arms in the air, enraged. “I don’t want this. I don’t want a reminder that I’m after something I can never fucking get. And I can’t stand hearing you saying that you don’t want me-”

“I got you fucking consent, didn’t I? It's not like I-Miles!” Alex shouted back, hurt and mostly confused. He was frozen by the accusation, until more of Miles’ angry words freed him from the gallows. “Miles, you do realize that we were just roleplaying and what I said wasn’t true, right?”

“Isn’t it?” Miles challenged him.

Right there, the question broke Alex completely.

“Isn’t that what’s always happening anyway? I’d lose my mind one day and kill the joke and you’d say no. You always say no. I’m just forcing things. I’m-” The anger bled out of him, as Miles saw his face. “I’m sorry.” Miles whimpered brokenly, then repeated in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

 _ **But I do love you.**_ Alex wanted to say. He wanted to scream until Miles just stopped ignoring the fact without him actually saying it out loud. But in reality, he answered, “I’m sorry, too.”

 

It was a gloomy day, the dawn marched forward unstoppably and Miles had left for more than 30 hours. Alex had a few lines typed down on a paper. He didn’t really remember writing them.

_Miles was his best friend._

No matter how hard he tried, Alex still couldn’t figure out the exact moment when their friendship ceased to be enough. They were young and stupidly unafraid when the first kiss was shared as a joke. However, when he came around, Miles was never with someone for very long. It didn’t matter that Miles never tried to push Alex out of his relationships. He was imply there, always close and available when Alex asked for him, and that was enough to confuse him constantly.

Alex thought at least Miles would have known that Alex loved him truly. Didn't he say love to Miles all the time?  _I love you like a mate; I love you like a little brother._ And he kept some of it to himself: _I love you like I can’t breathe if you’re not smiling, and if you have to cry I want to be the one who makes you-_

_**Maybe he shouldn't ever have called that thing friendly at all.** _

Alex was on the edge of sinking. He always felt like this when Miles left. Outside his window the rain continued to fall. He looked down at the piece of paper, and then up at the photo hanging on the wall in which Miles was smiling freely. For the first time, it saddened him endlessly.

With a pen, Alex added the next line.

 

+END+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly inspired by The Ultracheese, so I just pictured Alex kept writing on the paper  
> "I've done something that I shouldn't have done, but I haven't stopped loving you once"


End file.
